If there's a hell, it's an eternity of writing ADR (Automated Dialogue Replacement) scripts while Melisa Breiner-Sanders stands next to me yelling in a shrill voice, "Where's the blog? Where's the blog? Where's the blog? Where's the blog? Where's the blog?"
Why does Melisa get mentioned so much on the blog? Because she hounds me like she's Ahab and I'm a big white whale. Seriously. She makes Dave Letterman's stalker look as normal as Donna Reed. I'd have her IP address banned from my email, but I'm afraid she'll show up at my house.
(And really, all my mentioning her does is feed the fire of her (self)obsession. I keep telling her that my beastly sexual prowess she finds so irresistible is merely a freak genetic accident and she's going to have to learn to resist it. But you know, she's totally fucking psycho.)
Anyway . . . what is an ADR script, you ask? Well, it looks like this:
(Click to enlarge.)
Basically, the actor uses this script to loop lines that had something goofy in the production audio like airplanes or air conditioners. Or maybe the dialogue didn't come through loud enough because the sound guy was forced to put his mic a hundred yards away to keep it out of the shot. Or maybe I just want to alter the delivery because on set the actor was too busy trying to sleep with everyone regardless of gender instead of focusing on their performance, though I won't mention names. *coughMelisacough*
ADR scripts are pretty tedious to write, especially at this point in production when I've literally seen Women's Studies almost a hundred times. I hope I don't sound like I'm bitching. (Though I'm sure I do.) I actually like posting sound quite a bit. Writing ADR scripts is just more busy work than creative expression.
They're vitally important though. Having scripts with proper time code and scenes makes the process go so much quicker. We don't have to waste time figuring out where the right cue we need is. We can instead focus on picking a drunk Melisa up off the floor and trying to get her to say, "You can't make men into the enemy," without slurring.
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A quick side note:
I read a great piece recently by Lexi Alexander, director of the upcoming Punisher 2 in which she talks about how all her blogs have to go through studio approval. Basically, she doesn't post them very often because she "writes like shit when [she's] being censored."
While I'm sure any studio that might think about hiring me will look at this blog and run in the other direction, I'd like to make two points.
First, I would never publicly talk shit about anybody I worked with unless I was joking. I'm not that stupid, and I wouldn't want six ugly cheerleaders to kidnap and beat the shit out of me. (Melisa of course is the exception. I'm deadly serious that she's crazy and she scares me. I can't prove it, but when I'm dead you'll know I was right.)
Secondly, People don't just want a rosy view of filmmaking or the world for that matter. I went through a brief period when I tried to make everything on the blog happy and wonderful. But you know, sometimes life isn't that way. Sometimes, you're stuck doing tedious work that you don't really enjoy. Sometimes, you even get confused and forget why you're doing something and think you want to quit.
It doesn't mean you don't love what you do OR believe in the project you're working on. I refer you back to my mantra: Nothing worth doing is easy. I think it's the hard stuff people want to hear about. It reminds them that there are other people out there who deal with life's little hiccups.
And crazy stalker actresses.