Tuesday, June 24, 2008

The Void

I didn't do a blog last week because I honestly had nothing to say. Lately, I've just been laying low, kind of enjoying not having to do much.

Women's Studies is in a bit of a holding pattern until Cindy and I hear back from festivals, press, and a few other key folks who are getting copies of the finished film for one reason or another. It's been kind of nice to experience this strange thing which has been eluding me for the past two years. I think it's called "free time."

Yet there's also "The Void" to deal with. "What's that?" you ask. Allow me to explain . . .

I've been writing "seriously" for about twelve years now. In that time, I've written eight full length screenplays and more short scripts than I can even count. After the first draft of each full length, I've always experienced what I call "The Void." It's the space in my conscious (and subconscious) mind that was once filled with the energy devoted to whatever project I've been working on. The idea is that I put so much thought, emotion, and work into a story (or in this case, a movie) that when I stop working on it, the lack of energy and forward motion is slient, a little cold, and empty. I call that empty space "The Void."

Eventually, The Void gets filled up with everyday life; work, friends, hobbies, etc.

A lot of the time, I'll take the space left by a big project and fill it with a different smaller project. It's like there's so much energy left that even when the brunt of it leaves, there's still a little bit of power bouncing around. A lot of short scripts have been written in the wake of the big ones. Women's Studies was actually conceived in one of those Voids. I had written a different full length horror script and had some energy left over. The right combination of influences came together and the original short script for Women's Studies came to be.

The Void has it's dark side too. It's kind of like a break up after a long term relationship. There's a certain level of depression that comes with it. You've put all this effort, work, and love, so much love into this one thing that it's hard to believe it's over. But you can't hang on. That's an exercise in denial and stepping backwards. Once it's over, it's over. You can't go back. You can fix that which can't be fixed. You can't unlearn.

Mostly though, The Void is a great teacher of self. My self-image is always clearer after a big project. It's as if I've spent so much time in an imaginary world, my appreciation for the real world is heightened dramatically. I find myself looking in the mirror a lot . . . trying to see if the deep places I've been are visible on the surface.

Since Women's Studies is hands down the biggest, most ambitious thing I've ever done in my life, The Void is pretty huge on it. What's been good is that there's a a lot of left over energy that I've focused on things like exercise, diet, and remembering that Cindy was my wife long before she was my co-producer.

I thought this Void might be really tough, but it's actually been pretty easy. Maybe some things are so big that the energy never leaves you. It just changes into something else, something new. All I know is I feel like I 'm ready for anything.

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My dear Lady Killers: I can't wait to show you what we did together.

4 comments:

Jim said...

Wait... Cindy is your wife?!?!?

Oh God, the things I shouldn't have said...

Brandon said...

It's not the fact you said them it's the fact you were even drunk! What's worst is you said them right in front of Lonnie. Terrible just terrible!

Jim said...

You think that's bad, you should hear the sweet nothings I whisper in Lonnie's ear.

Brandon said...

I hope you were drunk or high for that one or three times. You might not want to do that tonight.